Cedars-Sinai Blog
How to Address Uncomfortable Topics With Your Doctor
Too embarrassed to talk to your doc? Try these 5 break-the-ice strategies.
When you sit down with someone for a limited amount of time each year, discussing your weirdest symptoms, most embarrassing sexual challenges, and deepest secrets can be tough.
Yet, it's critical to tackle problems before they spin out of control.
"If I put myself in my patients' shoes, it's nerve-wracking," says Dr. Nitin Kapur, internal medicine physician.
"But it's important for patients to realize that an experienced physician has seen and heard a full spectrum of complaints."
"Whatever your concern is, it's likely that an experienced primary care doctor has either encountered it before or knows which specialists could treat you for your ailment."
"It's important for patients to understand that we view medical exam rooms as sacred ground where patients can talk about anything."
The most under-discussed health woes:
- Sexual dysfunction
- Screening for sexually transmitted infections and diseases
- Urinary incontinence
- Hair loss
- Body odors
- Bad breath
How to break the ice with your doctor
True, talking about sensitive subjects like erectile dysfunction, incontinence, bad breath, and foul fecal odors can be uncomfortable. But the alternative—an unsatisfying sex life, embarrassing accidents, and health complications—is worse.
Plus, having the talk is usually quick and relatively painless, while living with debilitating symptoms isn't.
Learning to disclose problems and ask questions about your health concerns is the first step toward finding solutions.
Here are 5 strategies to help break the ice with your doctor:
Build a partnership
View your doctor as a comrade in your quest to uncover the source of your health problems, not someone who will judge you for your circumstances.
The best outcomes occur when there's a strong therapeutic alliance between doctor and patient.
"My patients need to feel like they can trust me to doctor appropriately," says Dr. Kapur.
If you can't connect with your doctor—or open up about your health ailments—it will be much more difficult to address your root problem.
"Whatever your concern is, it's likely that an experienced primary care doctor has either encountered it before or knows which specialists could treat you for your ailment."
Write it down
If you research your issue in advance and come to your appointment armed with a list of questions, you're much more likely to cover all of your concerns.
"Writing down notes can help ensure you disclose everything that's on your mind," Dr. Kapur says. "It can also help reduce the emotional load of the experience and help you feel less nervous."
Use priming phrases
Phrases like "I've never shared this with anyone before," "I've never discussed this outside of my relationship with my wife," or "I'm nervous," can serve as a cue to your doctor that you're embarking on sacred ground.
"That kind of prefacing can slow the interaction down and allow the doctor to focus on helping you feel more comfortable," Dr. Kapur explains.
"By listening closely, we can sometimes uncover important details to help you resolve physical, emotional, and even social health problems."
Be direct
The things that embarrass you most are often the things that most need to be discussed.
Instead of explaining what's going on in vague, socially appropriate terms, be direct and specific about your symptoms.
Does sex hurt? Tell your doctor exactly where you feel the pain.
Notice that your poop stinks? Try to describe the odor in detail.
Unsatisfied in your personal relationships? Explain the disconnect.
"In every instance, approaching the situation with honesty and vulnerability is very important," Dr. Kapur says.
Don't let it go
Treatments exist for almost every health dilemma, and some issues are surprisingly easy to fix.
Staying silent about a bothersome problem not only creates a divide between you and your doctor, it also means you're likely to continue suffering.
Think your doctor can't help? "You'd be surprised," Dr. Kapur says. "Even as a 39-year-old man, I am well versed in issues that affect women, elderly men, the millennial generation, and everything in between."
"My job is to be a resource, to get my patients the help they need, even if that requires referring them to a specialist."
Get comfortable
In every case, the sooner you start talking about sensitive health issues, the better equipped you (and your doctor) will be to address them
"As a physician, I can only help address problems when I know about them," Dr. Kapur says.
"It's important for patients to understand that we view medical exam rooms as sacred ground where patients can talk about anything."
The success of any doctor/patient relationship boils down to chemistry.
If you don't connect with your doctor, or if you feel like you can't trust them with sensitive issues, it may be time to look for a new provider.
